Even Birds Aren't This Scary!!!!!

Ok so I said in my very first posts I was an anxious panic merchant, and so far I've done a really really good job keeping myself in check, or so I like to think. But, I've also referred to this journey as a roller coaster ride.....

Ladies and Gentlemen we have reached the precipice of the big hill, we are about the thunder down to earth.....

Are you ready?......

Hands in the air......

Had you asked me last year if I had a phobia, the first thing I would have said was "Birds" and probably shuddered and made some type of "bleh" noise.

I cannot stand birds, they freak me out badly. I hate Magpies the most because they swoop, Plovers are a very very close second. But all birds SUCK. Its OK because birds hate me too, I was once swooped on by a CROW!!! So its all fair in love and war. The kingdom of Aves and I have an understanding, I wont go near them and if they come near me Ill scream...

And when they come near me I seriously feel like I will die...I want to run and scream and cry...its embarrassing ... embarrassing to the point I should have been on a Jerry Springer Phobia Special...especially with these teeth...but the anxious reaction is uncontrollable. Never had the prospect of anything, dental work included scared me as much as a bird touching me. In fact dental work came well down on my "Things to over react to" list.

This afternoon that all started to change.

Its pretty typical of me that after I hit a real high I crash into a low equally intense, so really this is nothing new, except, I had never felt, the, well, utter glee that I was experiencing while thinking about all of this.This is how I described it on Facebook...

"I feel sick...I'm soooooooooo anxious and excited. My body is shaking.
I'm not sure how Im going to deal with these last few days before I go.My heart pounds when I think about it, I can feel the adrenaline pump through me. Its the strangest feeling I've ever had. Is it good or is it bad? I don't know but its extreme.Id have to say whatever hormones are being produced by me right now are THE BEST DRUGS I HAVE EVER HAD! Maybe this is called "happy" and its been so long since I've felt it its blowing my mind....
At the same time I'm shit scared because what I'm about to do is shit scary....AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Im on an emotional roller coaster and Im really enjoying the ride!
I think....."

Now its a whole other story.....

I'm scared that when I get there the clinic wont be as I imagined.
I'm scared that people have lied to me about the pain.
I'm scared that Ill get there and they will jack up the price.
I'm scared that Ill get a really bad infection.
I'm scared because it is not an English speaking country and I don't speak Thai.
I'm scared because I'm going on my own.
I'm scared because I'm going to be awake during the procedure.
I'm scared  of things being screwed in my head.
I'm scared of being scared and alone.
I'm scared of a plane crash.
I'm scared of seeing child prostitutes.
I'm scared of having to bargain to buy things.
I'm just scared......

If I had to hug and kiss 1000 birds to fix my teeth and I could avoid this dentist lark I do it in an instant.....

SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP THE RIDE!
I NEED TO GET OFF NOW!

Gotta get this under control....but even birds aren't this scary...