There Are Angels In Thailand....

Writing this post is difficult - I am less than 12 hours out from meeting my new reflection.

This entire experience, so far, has exceed every single expectation I had.

I am going to try my best to keep my excitement and gratitude for what has happened to me to date from this post because this isn't really about my emotions, its about getting your teeth fixed in Thailand.

I have refrained from naming my Thai dentist, but I now feel that I have to share his name.

Dr Sunil is the Tooth Fairy and I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!

http://www.drsunildental.com/?gclid=CNre64vd_rQCFUV66wodqgIA6A

I returned this evening for my final temporary denture fitting and discussion about what is going to happen tomorrow. I was prepared for the scary lonely feeling of waking up on my own, a stranger in a strange land, but Dr Sunil had planned for my insane anxiety.....

As with all of his patients, I am to be collected from my hotel and driven to the hospital, as you are to all your appointments, his service also includes airport transfers both to and from your hotel. The idea of a dentist doing something like this in Australia would not even be considered and would most likely be laughed at. I already knew that would be the case but what he said next was just UNREAL!

He has arranged for 2 of his staff, the dental implant assistant and his receptionist to come with the driver to collect me at 7am tomorrow, they will then stay with me until I am returned to my hotel. That's right, stay with me, these two ladies will not leave my side, they will stay in my room and even spend the night with me to make sure that I am OK, that I am understood and that I am safe. Can you believe that? I barely could.....

Then he told me that I needed to go to the hospital tonight to get an x ray and some tests, I was really happy about that because I wanted to check it all out properly myself before I could really feel comfortable about going. I figured it would be just the driver and I but I was wrong again. My two guardian angels were coming with me! Again can you believe this?????

So we arrived at the hospital and it was beautiful and clean, in fact it was just as good if not better than any hospital I have ever been in or visited in my life. Bright, hygienic and amazingly efficient. I had all my tests done and was back in the car within the hour.

So right now its 10.30pm in Bangkok, I have to begin to fast at midnight.....

My surgery is at 8.30am and it will take 1 hour, Dr Sunil has told me he will make sure I sleep til Friday morning...YAY!! I'm getting the good drugs!

This really is about to happen...

A friend of mine dedicated this song to my journey...

Nearly there Susie....just a few more hours....

Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to this point.

Catch you all when I'm beautiful!

I BEG YOUR PARDON??? Did you just say general anaesthetic?

And so I arrive at the clinic and the reality of what was about to happen hit me hard.

I was shaking, crying, throwing up and I had not even walked in the door yet and then it opened...

I was ushered into a beautiful clinic, clean and very very comfortable. I was handed tissues and water, they removed my shoes popped a pair of slippers on me then took me to the waiting room.

The waiting room was very comfortable and they even had massage machines available! 

While I was waiting my emotions were going up and down. One second I was all OK the next I was hyperventilating. The tears never stopped flowing. I was really regretting doing this on my own. I wanted to get up and walk out but I had no idea where I was or how to get home, I felt trapped.

Then they called me "Miss Susie Madam, the Dr will see you now"......

OH CRAP!!!!!CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!!!!!!

With the tears flowing and great difficulty breathing I walked into that room feeling condemned.

The treatment room was like any dentist in Australia and that stupid dental chair was just as terrifying in Thailand.

Waiting for me were the dentist and 2 nurses, to me they looked like the executioner and his cronies.

PANIC STATIONS!!!!! 

Now it was plainly obvious that all of this was doing my head in and I was on the verge of a full on anxiety attack.

The dentist was so understanding, he reassured me that he was here to help me and not hurt me, that we have the same goal, for me to have a beautiful smile. 

GET A GRIP SUSIE!!!!!!! YOU ARE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT!!!!!!

So I relax a bit, I stop crying and start to talk about what I wanted done, then he had a look...

So after a few minutes he tells me exactly what they would need to do....

And that was it.....I lost my shit.....

Slicing my gums open, tens of stitches, 12 that's right 12 implants in my head and a bone graft.

Fucking forget it. I'm going home Ill live with these teeth there is no way on  the planet I can do this. None, its too much, its way too much to handle awake......

Panic panic panic, the sirens were going off my mind was racing I was sobbing....

The dentist said, would you like to go to hospital to get this done under general I don't think you will cope with this awake.....

I BEG YOUR PARDON??? Did you just say general anaesthetic?

And indeed he had....

YES!! YES!! YES!!! I was concerned about the extra cost since I was told it would triple the price and it just doesn't happen in Thailand.

Guess how much extra.....$1450......SOLD!

I was sold, the dentist called the surgeon and everyone was on board, all I had to do today was get the denture casts taken. 

Anyone who has got dentures will tell you that getting the casts taken is a bit yucky. Basically you gag and want to throw up. But the dentist kept on talking to me and the nurse was doing something to my hand and arm that made me relax and stop the gagging. In 5 minutes we were done.

I was ushered back to the waiting room, waited a couple of minutes and got another x-ray. 

All of that back home would have taken about 6 weeks to get organised, it happened in half an hour!

I was given another appointment the following day to see the surgeon and the dentist and Ill be admitted on Wednesday to have the surgery! Is unbelievable how fast stuff happens here!

After that I was in the car on my way back to the apartments....

So now I just relax until I get knocked out and I wake up with a new smile.

I do not believe there is a happier person on the planet right now....well, better go drink some more cheap drinks by the pool to celebrate!

Global Health Travel ROCKS!!!!! Squat Toilets Do Not!!!!

The first thing I have to say is...

WHY DID NO BODY INFORM ME ABOUT SQUAT TOILETS???????

You are all in trouble.

Id say my "You're not in Kansas any more" moment came in Kuala Lumpur Airport....

If you have never seen or used on of these abominations they call a toilet you will know what I am talking about. I went in looked at it, checked it out and decided to hold on til I got on the plane. Those toilets need to come with a tutorial! They are everywhere...and in Thailand sometimes you have to pay 5 baht to use one....seriously, Id pay 100 baht to use a normal bathroom....those hole things are icky and they take practice. This is one example of when being a boy is superior to being a girl.

I arrived at Bangkok Airport after about 20 hours of travelling only to find I couldn't find my arranged transfer. I was lost, everything was in Thai, I had no idea what I was doing, I had no phone and I could not work out for the life of me how to use a payphone. This is when I discovered how lovely Thai people are. I went to a policeman, well I think he was a cop, and he handed me his phone and let me call the Global Health Travel Team. They said the driver was there, I could not see him so the lovely Thai official took me to the taxis and sent me on my way.

So I get in my cab for one mind blowing journey through Bangkok at 10.30pm on a Saturday Night. Its hard to describe how I was feeling, tired, obviously, but in awe. In awe of the amount of people, the traffic, the street stalls, the lights, the smells, the sounds....OMG! This place is like nothing Ive ever experienced. I was worried, how was I going to deal with this place - its full on!

After a jaw dropping 45minutes I arrived at my accommodation. It is immaculate. Clean, spacious, comfortable. Lived up to my expectations 100%, and then I met Loverly, my nurse and go to gal. Not sure who gave her the name Loverly, its not her real name its the westernised one she uses, but whoever did, it describes her perfectly. Loverly spent half an hour with me making sure I was settled, had a phone and was OK.

The next morning, bright and early, I met Johnny. Johnny is cool. He is the GHT tour guide, anywhere you want to go, anything you want to do Johnny will take you and look after your every need.

Johnny took myself and 2 others off to The Floating Markets, he was a great guide and took care of everything for us. One thing I learnt was that I suck hard at bartering. The main problem is their first price is so reasonable I feel bad trying to get it cheaper, its already cheap, but Johnny intervened and taught me how to barter, I'm getting better but I really do not like to do it. The people here are so poor I really do not mind being ripped off a little.

After the markets I felt sick, really sick, the boat, the smells, the heat, so as I do I started to throw up. Johnny handed me what can only be described as a little bottle of magic. He told me to sniff it, I asked what it was and he said "Tiger Magic", and that it was. I am now completely addicted to this stuff, it stops my nausea and vomiting in an instant. I have bought about 30 bottles of it to bring home. Its some tiger balm concoction and it works. Johnny you did something for me that no western Dr has ever been able to do, make me feel better in an instant. I will always be grateful to you for introducing me to that stuff.

Later that evening Johnny picked us up again and took us to the Lady Boy show, Calypso. We caught the Sky Train then a boat, again, I'm so grateful that I had someone to show me how all of that worked and who knew exactly where to go and what to do. The show was AMAZING and I highly recommend you go if you are ever in Bangkok.

But today is D- Day, Dentist Day.

I was all good until about 2 hours before my appointment and then the fear and anxiety began to close in. I was in tears, I felt alone and scared and all I wanted to do was go home. That was until Loverly came to visit.

She sat with me and talked to me and reassured me. She didn't sugar coat or indulge my anxiety she let me talk through it. She held my hand, she listened to me, she was warm and understanding. The fact that I knew that I was coming back to a hotel and had people waiting for my return made it possible for me to get in the car when it arrived.....

I'm just not so sure how I'm going to be when the car pulls up at the dentist.

This really is it people.

Goodbye ugly.

Hello beautiful.

Well, that's if I don't run away to the airport and fly home.....

The Tooth Fairy is in Thailand!!!!!!

Im here.....

I can barely believe it.....

Stay tuned.......

Babies, Bye- Bye's, Blubbering.......and Bourbon.....

I have survived the wait....

In 4 hours Ill be leaving home for the journey of my lifetime!

These last couple of days have been tough, really tough... I've been a jumble of emotions, I've been high I've been low I've been numb, but mostly, I've cried. Ill cry over anything. Basically if I have an emotion that is greater than " Don't give a shit" I start to blubber, like an idiot, even when I know I'm being an idiot and that makes me cry more....watching the One Day Cricket at the GABBA has me bawling, seriously Susie, why do you care Pup got out? He went out with Lara Bingle!

Yesterday I said good bye to my parents that was OK but they are just as sooky as I am, and I farewelled my kids now that was gut wrenching. I'm not going to see them for 16 days, 15 now, but its so long. Its the longest I've ever been away from them. My son Dan is 14 and my daughter Annaliese is almost 11 and while a times they drive me mental I love them more than life and not having them around is going to be very surreal. They are two tough little cookies, they didn't get the Sooky La La DNA like me. Annaliese was very quiet and concerned and said "Don't cry Mummy, you will be fine. I love you. You are so brave". Dan, my young man, left me with "Bye Mum, I love you, See you when you are beautiful again!'  Man I love those kids...I sat in Anzac Square and I sobbed as they left with my parents. 

This is all too real.

I hung out with Mr Beam for the rest of the night...he didn't make me cry...he made me happy

A few hours ago I turned on my out of office reply and signed out...

I work with some of the best people I have ever met in my life. There are a few ladies there who have been amazing over the last few weeks. Christie  Tracy, Lyndsay and Cresta, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your pep talks, your advice, your help, your understanding. You guys have feed the courageous part of me and Ill always remember what you have done.

But there is one person who has really been my rock, Lee Daly, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DOING THIS IF IT WAS NOT FOR YOU! I don't want to get all soppy or anything but you know how important you are to me. I hope everyone in their lifetime has a friend like you. You pretty much always say the right thing, you laugh with me and at me when I'm being silly, you get angry with me, you cry with me and you will not indulge my anxieties. I could not have ever asked for a better friend than you. You are an amazing woman. I look up to you and admire you..

That's about all the goodbyes I can handle for today, so there are only 2 more beings getting the big farewell I love you chat, my dog, Zeus, and my cat, Fry....

So now, as I sit and contemplate the next few weeks I'm going to relax myself with a "few words" with Mr Beam and await my husband who will whisk me away for a night on the Gold Coast before this epic adventure truly begins....

It's The Final Countdown....

In 7 days it will be D- Day, DENTIST DAY.

This week is so momentous it needs a theme song....so as predictable as it may be....here it is

Everything is organised, nothing is pending, now its just the hands of time between my new smile and I.

So there is nothing more to be said, nothing more to be done. I'm going to really focus on work this week and try not to think about next week... now what I feel is anxious excitement at a containable level.

I'm really really good at blocking out reality but its usually in a negative way, maybe this week I can use my powers for good and not evil.

I want to thank each and every person who has read this blog and followed my journey. Its amazing how supported I feel with each new view. You've stuck with me this far...the climax of the story is about to begin...Its like waiting for the next instalment of "The Hobbit" franchise or finding out the sex of William & Catherine's baby, (I'm rooting for girl named Diana, that would be a huge UP YOURS to The Firm and especially the Tampax, oops, I mean Prince Charles)....

OK OK, its not that exciting for you....

So stay tuned....Y'all ready for this?

I am!!!!

Are You There God?.....Its Me, Susie......

I said from the very start that this blog would be about my personal journey through this adventure. I have thought alot about writing this particular piece because I do not want to alienate or offend, what I want is to be is honest.

This "essay" is not about the existence or non existence of God or if your beliefs or my beliefs are wrong or if I'm going to hell and you're going to heaven. This is about me. I ask that you read this with an open mind and an understanding that this is my view on the world and so impacts my story.

I am an atheist. Loud, proud, don't you dare say "I'll pray for you" lest you want me to ask you to do something meaningful and useful, like scrub my toilet, type atheist. I am considering the possibility that I may actually be an anti-theist...I can hear some of you screaming "HEATHEN SCUM"!!!! Quiet down the neighbours are trying to sleep....keep on reading....

AGAIN THIS IS MY WORLD VIEW.  I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO OFFEND OR UPSET YOU.

As I have said before I have been unwell for many many years. I have at times been gravely ill and my mortality was staring at me in the mirror. At no point in my life have I ever blamed "God" for my illnesses or other trials I've faced nor have I praised "God" for any good fortune. Basically I have always viewed "God" as a "hog tie" to the advancement of human intelligence and civilisation with nothing to offer except paranoia and fear.

The above paragraph is what makes what happened to me last week very very disturbing.

I had been so excited about getting this work done, it was like I was living in this fluffy, sugary world of perfect. So, as I explained in my previous post, a low was expected, and I blogged.

The problem is it just kept getting worse...

An intense desire grew inside me. I wanted someone to tell me they had my back and all of this was going to be OK, that I should stop freaking out because this will be as amazing as I hope it will be and actually have the power to make it so. I began to ponder, who can give me this assurance? I thought about other people and what they do when they feel like they are 2 and are lost at the shops and cant find mummy or daddy, except they are 35 and a parent themselves......the answer for the majority of people would be GOD....

I began to think how nice it would be to have faith that there was a supreme being taking care of me, watching over me, keeping me safe. I get this God thing....its what will fulfil your need when you feel vulnerable - if you'll let it.

While I know that everything proved so far in the known universe shows beyond a reasonable doubt there is no "God" as worshipped by main stream religion,  this is what fear can do to an intelligent person, who believes that "Science" should be a religion and churches be sold off, knocked down and converted to apartment blocks.

I was so deluded by fear I did something that my rational self would find delusional.

I went to a church.....I prayed......I lit a candle.....mind you I was updating my Facebook status with the prayer I was saying while I was in the pew, so my irreverent disrespect for the sanctity of the cathedral wasn't too far away....beautiful building though....

So this was my prayer

"Dear God,I am giving you this one last chance. I don't believe in you because I really do think I'm too smart for this, but I need something, I need to know this will all be OK. So now is your chance. Prove to me you care, provide me with a sign, now, by sign I mean you appear to me and give me a hug. None of this dream shit, I want a real life honest experience, I really would like to know that something bigger than I was keeping me safe.I even lit a fucking candle and put it near Mary.So Lord if you are out there and you care, prove it, I challenge you.Amen"

I was 100% sincere, I think - I was an emotional mess, I was not being sarcastic or "taking the piss" I was really just a scared little girl wanting to feel protected.

Needless to say, God never showed.....still hasn't.................maybe he is upset because I swore......

But you know who did show up.....Pete Murray.....

There is a song I like to dedicate to myself when I'm feeling depressed. Its a song that I say is from the happy rational strong part of me to the weak struggling part. I love the lyrics.

This song represents to me, my reality, that the only person we can rely on is ourself. There is no divine plan, no heaven, no hell. Shit just happens and you are the master of your destiny.

That afternoon I heard this song 3 times.

There is no God there is only me, and I can do this!

Even Birds Aren't This Scary!!!!!

Ok so I said in my very first posts I was an anxious panic merchant, and so far I've done a really really good job keeping myself in check, or so I like to think. But, I've also referred to this journey as a roller coaster ride.....

Ladies and Gentlemen we have reached the precipice of the big hill, we are about the thunder down to earth.....

Are you ready?......

Hands in the air......

Had you asked me last year if I had a phobia, the first thing I would have said was "Birds" and probably shuddered and made some type of "bleh" noise.

I cannot stand birds, they freak me out badly. I hate Magpies the most because they swoop, Plovers are a very very close second. But all birds SUCK. Its OK because birds hate me too, I was once swooped on by a CROW!!! So its all fair in love and war. The kingdom of Aves and I have an understanding, I wont go near them and if they come near me Ill scream...

And when they come near me I seriously feel like I will die...I want to run and scream and cry...its embarrassing ... embarrassing to the point I should have been on a Jerry Springer Phobia Special...especially with these teeth...but the anxious reaction is uncontrollable. Never had the prospect of anything, dental work included scared me as much as a bird touching me. In fact dental work came well down on my "Things to over react to" list.

This afternoon that all started to change.

Its pretty typical of me that after I hit a real high I crash into a low equally intense, so really this is nothing new, except, I had never felt, the, well, utter glee that I was experiencing while thinking about all of this.This is how I described it on Facebook...

"I feel sick...I'm soooooooooo anxious and excited. My body is shaking.
I'm not sure how Im going to deal with these last few days before I go.My heart pounds when I think about it, I can feel the adrenaline pump through me. Its the strangest feeling I've ever had. Is it good or is it bad? I don't know but its extreme.Id have to say whatever hormones are being produced by me right now are THE BEST DRUGS I HAVE EVER HAD! Maybe this is called "happy" and its been so long since I've felt it its blowing my mind....
At the same time I'm shit scared because what I'm about to do is shit scary....AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Im on an emotional roller coaster and Im really enjoying the ride!
I think....."

Now its a whole other story.....

I'm scared that when I get there the clinic wont be as I imagined.
I'm scared that people have lied to me about the pain.
I'm scared that Ill get there and they will jack up the price.
I'm scared that Ill get a really bad infection.
I'm scared because it is not an English speaking country and I don't speak Thai.
I'm scared because I'm going on my own.
I'm scared because I'm going to be awake during the procedure.
I'm scared  of things being screwed in my head.
I'm scared of being scared and alone.
I'm scared of a plane crash.
I'm scared of seeing child prostitutes.
I'm scared of having to bargain to buy things.
I'm just scared......

If I had to hug and kiss 1000 birds to fix my teeth and I could avoid this dentist lark I do it in an instant.....

SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP THE RIDE!
I NEED TO GET OFF NOW!

Gotta get this under control....but even birds aren't this scary...

I am suffering from EXTREME EXCIETY!!!!!

So I made it through Christmas and New Year without blogging about how completely shit it was sitting around watching everyone else eat the feast of a lifetime as I slurped VEGETABLE SOUP!!!! While I complain about the food, there was an upside....its much easier to get your holiday drunk on when your stomach is empty, so while I say managed to avoid blogging, it would be more accurate to say that I was too full of Christmas Cheer and not enough Christmas Pudding to be literate enough to type a sentence.

Anyway.....

I have managed to gain back the 5kgs I lost just prior to Christmas...

I am 173cm tall and I like to weigh 65kg. Thanks to the heat and my eating issues I was down to 51.2kg, I was seriously worrying about my mortality. I did not know how I was going to cope with no teeth, a limited appetite after the operation and the extreme heat and humidity in Thailand. I decided that I had to gain weight and fast. I know you are supposed to gain weight in a healthy way, slowly and with good nutritional foods. But I had to gain it fast and the only voice I could hear, as any proud "Simpson" lover would admit, was Dr Nick Riviera's

“And remember, if you’re not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper.  If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.” – Dr. Nick 

If Homer Simpson could do it so could I....

My other medical issues make eating fat very difficult, certain other intolerances mean I will throw up or have other severe and rather unpleasant side effects to a variety of foods.

Today I weight 56.8kg, I've gained over 5kgs in 2 weeks... I'm thanking soggy hot chips with gravy, ice cream with chocolate topping, mashed potato with butter and milk, pasta with creamy bacony sauce, coconut cream curries and cheesecake in small amounts but at frequent intervals. Bad for me...really yummy....making me fat...YAY!!!! I'm going to keep this up to maximize my fat stores. I want to have as much weight on me as I can so I don't end up emaciated if I cant eat.

So now, my dentist fears, my flying fears (I've not watched one Air Crash Investigations since I decided not to) and now my "dying of starvation" fears have all been, somewhat, addressed I'm just left to count down the days and count up my spending money.

I cant believe how emotional this has been so far and the emotions are really hard to explain, but I'll try.

The other day on Facebook I commented that this was more exciting than having babies and getting married, more exciting than anything ever in my life. At first I didn't really know why except that it was, but I've really been thinking hard and now I know why.

I always WANTED to get married.

I always WANTED to have babies.

This is not a WANT. This is a fundamental NEED.

It was a NEED that I would not recognise for my own mental health because I thought it was a need that would never ever be fulfilled and that is soul destroying. It is so mind blowing to me that now in such a short space of time the biggest problem in life will be gone forever!

I am so excited that I randomly giggle when I think about what lays ahead.....

But I also have extreme moments of anxiety, but not about the surgery, about dumb things like making sure I have a hand sanitizer bottle in each bag, getting lost, whether the camera in my phone will work without a SIM,  having my drink spiked...silly things that I know aren't important or wont happen but for some reason I fixate on.

Overall though, I am on a high.

Another thing I've worked out is that I have not smiled, you now one of those smiles you cant help but get and your face starts hurting cause it wont go away, in ages, but in the last week its been there more often than not. I am so happy just thinking about this...I cannot imagine the joy Ill feel when its done.

I've named my new emotion Exciety its when you are equally excited and anxious you don't know if you should laugh or scream...

Not long now..