Friday 15 February 2013

The Idea Of Burger Juices Dripping Off My Hands Is Almost Pornographic.

So its been three weeks and one day since I had the surgery and I have to say that I WAS NOT PREPARED and I am an impatient whinger.

All I thought about BEFORE I had this surgery was being brave enough to get it done. I spent the entire time just preparing myself to have the balls to do this awake and all alone in a foreign land. I just didn't really think past the "event" properly, I didn't even consider the stitches, or really anything other than it might hurt for a few days and then Id have my temporary dentures and Id be looking normal. Everyone I spoke to indicated that they were eating and smiling THE SAME DAY, so I went with that, I didn't stop and say "Well hang on, NONE of these people are having 25 teeth extracted AND implants placed", everyone I spoke to had only had the implants after years of traditional denture wearing,  no extractions or a couple. I was not able to find ANY PERSON ON THE PLANET to speak to who had as many teeth out all at once. I was too "event" focused.

As I have said I used Global Health Travel for my trip, and pretty much I figure the bulk of the medical tourism industry is made up of women wanting boob jobs, but I did not consider this before. So you get on their site, you read the testimonials you see the posts and you kind of get sucked into the "This is good, cheap, quick and the recovery time is short" type mentality, but dental work is certainly NOT a boob job, they are not even in the same ball park let alone the same league....I had too much emotional effort going into doing it I don't know if it was deliberate or not but I didn't even really spare the recovery a thought.

First thing I learnt was DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON YOUR OWN! Yes I survived, yes it was clean and painless and done while under GA in the end, but the experience changed me and I'm not sure it was all good. When I recall the events of the first visit to Dr Sunil I panic. I get short of breath. The memory of that first ride from the hotel to the clinic is one I really would rather forget. Never in my life have I been so scared. NEVER EVER!!!! I had no one to hold my hand, no one to talk sense to me, no one to hug me and say they were there for me. I just had me and I am very unreliable....as far as I knew Id be having teeth ripped in less than an hour. I don't care if it sounds melodramatic but  that car ride really, for want of a better word, fucked me up, it was the most traumatic 30 minutes of my life and my life ain't been easy....a friend would have made it easier....Ill never recover from it. I am sure that fear will haunt me forever. It was intense.

So after it was done, I didn't die, I had my dentures, I wasn't in agonizing pain, I had no infections and I discovered Cream of Broccoli Soup I was on a high. The pain killers, antibiotics and anti swelling tablets may have contributed to my altered state of reality, but meh....it was fun while it lasted.

Then I came home, first the plane was crap, customs was crappier, the foot and leg swelling crappier still and the hospital well, OMG THE HOSPITAL (on that, an investigation has been initiated and I WILL let you know what happens), but worst of all guess who came to visit - REALITY. I really hate Reality, I wish it would curl up and die....painfully......

Anyway....

Second thing I learnt, the dentistry may be uber fast in Thailand but the recovery time is still the recovery time no matter what country you are in. My dreams of a beautiful smile are on hold pending dissolution of several  tens of stitches. I can't wear the dentures and so I cant eat real food unless I cut it into teeny tiny pieces. I cant talk properly, as you all now know my name is Susie i.e. worst name for someone with a dental surgery induced lisp and spends her working day on the telephone....The stitches are STILL THERE!!!! Yes, they are SLOWLY dissolving but its just not quick enough. They are fraying,  the knots that are left are twisting and digging into my gums, the strands of sutures are itching the shit out of me and until they go I cant wear the dentures....I AM GOING MAD!!!!!

Another driver for my insanity is HUNGER! Since I had my teeth out I have not vomited once, I haven't even felt like there was a remote possibility I might spew....this is a MIRACLE!!! As a result I am STARVING  I dream of a hamburger, a really juicy one with the lot, bacon, pineapple BBQ sauce BEETROOT....hmmmm, OMG I want a hamburger.....The idea of burger juices dripping off my hands is almost pornographic to me at the moment...For the last decade I haven't wanted to eat because Id throw it up, I had done everything to minimize the effects of Crohns and I was still unwell, it is clear to me now that I was so sick because of my teeth and now they are gone I will actually see the benefit of my efforts.

I need to remember that what I did was massive and I am only human and bodies take time to heal. Be patient and remember that doing the RIGHT thing and not smiting an immediate irritation is what I need to do.

This cost so much, it will get better.....stop being a whinger......

I now need to deal with a new type of humiliation but only for a few more weeks...I HOPE...

UPDATE

Today I met the burger in my fantasy. It wasn't mine to eat, I still cant eat anything like that, but it was mine to covet. The phallic pickle was just so symbolic. This burger is to a woman with no teeth as porn is to an impotent man.



I will return to masticate you one day, you naughty naughty burger......



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