Ever Danced With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight?

My last night in Bangkok was a bit of a blur...

I think that maybe I started to feel a little too comfortable and possibly let my drink vigilance slide.

I had one Long Island Iced Tea and was feeling very happy, so I ordered another one, about a third of the way through I spotted a guy selling pretty light toys and tops, I HAD to have one so I asked the Aussie Dude Id been chatting to to watch my drink while I went and bought some.

Came back and drank a little bit more....then the weirdness started, first I dropped my bag, then I could barely see to pick up the contents, so I sat back down and drank a little more, then I saw stars...shooting stars with lots of pretty colours, I looked at my drink it was only half gone. Now I am an avid drinker and one and a half drinks does NOT make me drunk, even if they are Long Island Iced Teas, the room was spinning a little and when I realise I was singing along to a One Direction song, I knew something was up..

I decided to make a very swifty exit, I left my half finished drink and attempted to walk back to my hotel. The further I walked the harder it became, I was weaving and stumbling, but I was not thinking drunk just my body was all weirded out....then I fell....YAY!! Looking like a good Aussie Tourist....Two Thai men came running up to me and helped me get back up and even found some clean tissues to wipe up the blood. I was a few metres from my hotel so they made sure I got to the concierge and then left. I made it to my room and that was it, I woke up to my alarm the next morning  I'm so glad I remembered to set that alarm lest Id have missed my plane!

I'm not so sure what happened to me that night but it was odd, I'm thinking I may have had my drink messed with but it may just have been something else. Who knows. I survived and was not interfered with by anyone so if they did spike my drink it was an epic fail. I didn't even lose my lighter!

As per the always magnificent service, Dr Sunil's lovely driver was waiting for me at 9.30am to take me to the airport and so my journey home began.

My first flight, from Bangkok to Kuala Lumpur, was uneventful, short and sweet.

Kuala Lumpur Airport is nothing short of a shit hole. If you are lucky to find a western style toilet you are doing well and if its clean, doesn't have fluid on the floor, an over flowing bin and a strange smell consider yourself one in a million type lucky...the seats in the waiting area are so uncomfortable, the food choice are appalling, and that's being generous, oh and if you smoke, no need to light a cigarette just go into the non ventilated windowless smoking room, even a 2 pack a day Winfield Red Smoker's lungs would hurt upon entering! Just looking at it will probably give you lung cancer. It sucked.. My tip is avoid layovers in Malaysia if humanly possible.

The next thing you need to avoid are overnight flights...now that alone is a torture beyond hell unless you are sitting next to an Evangelical Christian returning from his latest "mission" who wants to "witness" to you and make sure you hear "the gospel as its meant to be heard", then you realise hell must get pretty deep.

I'm sure he would not have spoken to me had he not seen the book I was reading "The Last Testament of the Holy Bible" by James Frey....has saw the book and must have read a small bit over my shoulder an asked me if I was a Christian,  now I suggest you either google that book or read it, its great, its a fantastic atheist book....I told him the premise of the story and we discussed our views on religion, I was blunt and frank and he tried to convince me of idiotic things like the "Young Earth Theory" and "Noah's Ark" , I have to give him credit he knew the bible very very well and when I quoted a verse he always knew the book chapter and verse number, it was an interesting conversation with a very learned person. But he would not shut up, he kept on trying to convince me to come to his church, after about 3 hours I told him I had enjoyed the chat but it was sleep time....

And so we enter further into the bowels of hell....

I ask to purchase a pillow, it was "Air Asia - where nothing is included", they had none...WTF? No pillows, this was going to be fun. So after fitful micro-sleeps for about 4 hours on come the lights and then the pain sets in, There was no longer a comfortable way for me to sit in the seat...my whole body was hurting, my mouth was killing me, I was starving, I was so tired....I WANTED OFF.....but still had at least 3 hours to go....

There was also a guy who had the most disgusting hacking cough, he sounded like he was dying. Please people, if you have a cold and you are on a plane wear a face mask, PLEASE. It was gross and it makes others freak out about superbugs. There were people on that plane from Thailand, Malaysia, Burma, Vietnam, China, Russia, UAE, India they could have anything!!!! In fact I suggest you wear a mask anyway.

To my great pleasure we arrived 35 minutes early and that first lungful of Australian air was sweet.

To my great displeasure, I was "The One" in customs, I did have Blue and Red Pills, both keep reality at bay, anyway, I had my bags searched, they were x rayed twice, I was sniffer dogged  it took almost 2 hours for me to get through, and I DECLARED I had drugs...WTF? They must have thought I was some type of really really stupid drug courier....even dumber than those idiots who stash pot in their boogie board covers and go to Bali!!!

Seeing my husband and kids again was fantastic, I missed them so badly and it was great to be back in their arms, even if I did look like a swamp monster....

And finally back to my house, and that was glorious, oh how I missed my home, my bed, my shower, MY DOG!!! The cat, yeah, well, not so much.....

Unpack, presents, photos, hugs and kisses - then the real pain hit me, my legs and feet were very very swollen, to the point that walking was too painful. I decided to elevate them and see what happened, naturally I goggled it and was reassured that this type of swelling is normal but to call an ambulance if I experience any chest pain. I felt no pain and fell asleep.

The next day I was still swollen and sore but not anywhere near as bad until about 5.30pm when I got a sharp stabbing pain under my shoulder blade, so I called the ambulance...

My vitals were such that I had to go to the hospital and I can barely believe what happened to me there...

I was about to discover there are even deeper caverns of hell and I was about to visit....